Lolitas are a complicated bunch; I don't think there are many fashions around today that have so wide-reaching an aesthetic associated with them as lolita does. For example, it's a lot easier to consider a piece of media lolita-esque than, say, Steampunk-esque or gothic-esque; with the latter two styles, while certain themes will resonate with Steampunks or goths, those pieces of media will require a certain fashion element to merit that description.

In contrast, songs or movies or TV shows can be considered "loliable" or "lolita-friendly" based on their themes and design, even with basic or mainstream sartorial styles. Most lolitas have an affinity for fairy tale princesses, magical girls, and any heroines who kick serious tail in one way or another; place one of them in an old-fashioned or childlike story and set the whole thing in a beautifully-designed environment, and your creation is probably going to have at least some appeal to the lolita market. Our comparatively low standards for considering media loliable probably relate to our relative obscurity as a fashion; despite our relatively sizable following for the alt-fashion world, lolita still doesn't really fall on the Western radars. That's probably why so many of us follow diverse styles of media, whether it's magical girl anime or Broadway: we don't really get catered to as a market that often (or that well), so our standards have to be a little broader to fit into our aesthetic.

But while lolitas are not a big enough market to cater to specifically, women in general certainly are. Women and girls can find media geared towards them in many outlets; chick flicks and chick lit are both ubiquitous (and, ugh, utterly cringe-worthy) facets of the movie and literature industries, and have been for ages, and recently video games have finally been catching up. The end result is a lot of games coming out right now that cater to women in their characters, themes, and aesthetics. The fact that women in general are being catered to means that lolitas specifically are more likely to find games that are not only appealingly aesthetically but also almost addictively amusing, too.

One of those games? Child of Light by Ubisoft Montreal. The game came out in April, but I recently hooked myself up with a copy care of the lovely Play Station Store for PS4. It follows Princess Aurora in her quest to return home from the strange land of Lemuria. Here's official summary from the Ubisoft website:

The duke’s daughter Aurora is dead… and yet, she lives. Join Aurora across the mysterious kingdom of Lemuria on her quest to return home. Helped by Igniculus the firefly, Finn the Capilli and many more, she must defeat the Queen of the Night who has stolen the sun, the moon and the stars.

Guilty admission time: I'm really not a huge gamer. Once or twice a year I casually pick up a game, get really into it for a few weeks, and then never go back to it. Too much ADD, maybe? I think I'm just really picky about minor details - graphic quality, story lines, and battle mechanics can really ruin a game for me if they aren't up to a certain standard. There has to be a pretty deep connection for me to really relate to a game enough to even finish it. Child of Light, however, really ticked all the boxes for me in a way that's hard to put into words - but I'm a blogger, so obviously I'm gonna spend the next couple hundred words trying to do exactly that.

Story: 4/5

There is so, so much I love about the story. First on the list? The characters. Not only is the main heroine relatable and down to earth, she also demonstrates a fairly impressive level of badassery: she wields a sword bigger than she is for much of the story line, and can easily hold her own in battle without any handsome prince's protection, thank you very much. She and the rest of the characters undergo substantial growth over the course of the game, such as the merchant who comes to understand that people matter more than success.

From the official Child of Light blog on Tumblr

But where the characters are concerned, what matters to me almost as much as what they say is what they don't. At no time did anyone in the game remark on Aurora's gender or age as indicative of her ability, and there's no notion of romance whatsoever with any other characters. While she certainly falls fairly squarely into the Waif-Fu trope, the game designers did fairly well at avoiding other stereotypes associated with female characters. It doesn't feel like the game designers made Aurora female to pander to the female audience; in fact, for all intents and purposes, her gender is entirely irrelevant to the game itself. She's a well-written character with flaws as well as strengths, who happens to be female; a lot of other game designers could really learn something from Child of Light.

An example of the use of rhyme in Child of Light's dialog
[Image source]

As a literary person, I find it to be absolutely necessary for a game to have a well-developed story line. Not only does Child of Light feature this, but it's obvious that the writers also put a lot of thought into their craft, which is my complicated way of saying that it's pretty impressively well written. The themes of family, the human connection to nature, and the necessity of accepting people as they are without trying to change them are topics I always relate to in some way, but here they're also subtle enough that anyone who disagreed on their importance wouldn't feel alienated in any way. Also? Everyone speaks in rhyme, and it's adorable. Little touches like that really elevate this game for me above most of what's churned out by the video game industry these days; Child of Light truly feels more like a piece of art than casual entertainment. That said, I did feel there were a few story lines that ended abruptly (maybe planting seeds for further expansions?), and in many places the dialog felt forced and unnatural (the rhyming was often to blame for that), hence the imperfect score.

Graphics: 5/5

I can say literally nothing bad about the graphics in this game. Seriously, they're beautiful and put tons of comparable games to shame - games like this are why I'm too spoiled to go back and play older games like much of the Final Fantasy series. The setting and landscapes were frankly flawless; they're all done in the in the style of watercolor paintings, down to the grain of simulated watercolor paper that's visible in some shots. The game features lush forests, quaint pseudo-European towns, volcanic caverns full of magma, and crystalline underwater palaces, among others. No matter what you find loveliest, there's at least one environment that felt specifically designed to cater to your tastes. My favorites were Mathildis Forest and the Old Monastery, which should surprise no one who knows me in any way.

Character designs for Child of Light - click the picture for more!

The character designs are amazingly varied, from humans to dwarves and anthropomorphized mice and even a race who look like they were inspired by water lilies. While I would've liked more characters of color, the Earth parts of the story line take place in Austria, so maybe that's probably why they went with mostly white people. Aside from that, my only other graphical nitpick: during battle, when Aurora is casting a spell in her adult form, her ankle-length dress flies all the way up to her neck. I mean... seriously? Was it really necessary for gameplayers to see her skivvies every time she casts Starlight? It didn't really take away from my enjoyment of the game, but it just seems like an odd design choice if Child of Light was indeed designed with parents and children playing together in mind.

Gameplay: 3/5

Maybe I'm weird, but I love turn-based fighting systems. While I'm certainly a fan of button-mashing in the heat of battle as enemies pile up around me, for serious games that I want to pay attention to, it has to be turn-based. So while I liked the mechanics behind the battle system, I found actually battling to be a bit of a mixed bag in this game. I both liked and disliked the abilities given to the characters; while they were varied and creative, for the most part it felt like the abilities were sort of randomly assigned to each character. Some of it made sense, such as Aurora being the only character with Light magic abilities, but for the most part I found myself struggling to remember which characters possessed which abilities. The archer was the only one who could cure status ailments for some reason, and the jester alone could heal other characters... but why? While it didn't make a ton of sense to me, I appreciate that they steered away from using a more rigid caste system like most RPGs feature. However, the learning curve was fairly detrimental to my playing experience, so I really couldn't give it a perfect score.

Child of Light battle system care of DigitalTutors.com

In terms of general gameplay, I really didn't have any complaints, except that it felt like there was also a bit of a learning curve on the controls - I felt like I was fairly clumsy at actually maneuvering around the landscape for a sizable portion of the game. While habitual gamers probably wouldn't have a problem with it, for a game that has such power to attract much more casual gamers like me as well, I feel that a little more finesse would've been appreciated. That said, it didn't really take away from my experience too drastically, it did cause more than a bit of frustration during this first play-through.

Total rating: 4/5

I did have a few concerns with the game, such as incomplete story lines (what's the deal with the Confessions?), confusing game play mechanics (why does the jester have Unstoppable? Why is the plant-girl's weapon a lyre?), and completely unnecessary panty shots (seriously, whyyyyyyy?). That said, my criticisms are beaten out by the thought and effort that obviously went into creating a work of art that really feels more like a playable painting than a mere video game. I think many of my negatives could be dealt with fairly easily in downloadable content, and I'll be curious to see if they are.

While some critics feel that Child of Light lacks staying power, I wholeheartedly disagree, and not only did it hold my adult attention span far longer than any game I've attempted in literally years. The story of the struggle of good over evil is eternal and iconic, and both the story line and the gameplay mechanics remind me of plenty of the games I grew up with, such as the Legend of Zelda games that most of my generation have treasured memories of. I could also see children who play Child of Light in their youth to carry fond memories of Aurora and her friends for many years to come, and when we're talking about such a genuinely positive game, the importance of that really can't be overlooked. 

Now that I've finished Child of Light, I'm aching for more! Can anyone recommend me any similar games I might enjoy? Maybe I have hope of becoming a real gamer girl yet~~~

(will Gamer-senpai notice me then...?)

Child of Light is available on:

Steam

PS4

PS3

More Platforms

When I got into lolita, I got REALLY into lolita. I'm not really one for doing things halfway, so within a few months of getting into the communities I was already a lifestyle lolita* and had made myself a fairly decent wardrode of handmade simple skirts and matching blouses. I know a lot of people who did the same, and while I certainly don't think it's a bad way to get into the community, it does have its own unique disadvantages. Therefore, for this week's Lolita Blog Carnival prompt, "3 secrets for someone just getting into lolita fashion," I decided to address my post specifically to lolitas like myself, whose decision to get into the scene was a wholehearted leap into the unknown, from which they still haven't truly been able to recover.


*lifestyle lolita: a slightly outdated term at this point, but which at the time basically meant that lolita fashion corresponded with your outside interests, from what you ate to how you exercised. It's largely fallen out of use in favor of a more toned-down general interest in tea and penchant for cupcakes.

♥You don't need to be active in the community. I was totally one of those girls. I didn't feel like I was truly a lolita unless I read every single post on egl, commented and shared my opinion on everything, and got lots of comments on my daily_lolita posts (as you can see, I joined back when the community was still very mired in the LiveJournal universe). Any of my friends who weren't really into it just didn't make sense to me. Lolita, even though I wore it in the real world, was a label still intrinsically tied to the internet and online communities. Don't do that. There's a disconnect there that's unhealthy for your idea of fashion and your own appearance for two reasons. One, your internal concept of a real-life experience that a huge amount of your life revolves around only actually exists for you in the form of internet interactions. Two, validation only comes at the hands of an anonymous mass you'll never actually meet instead of from within yourself.

♥The rules matter, but they also kind of don't. Honestly, they really only matter if you're active in the community. Any photos you post to daily_lolita or Lacebook or whatever when you first start should follow the rules to a T (as well as outfits for meetups), but really, the only people who'll actually care if you're following the rules will probably only interact with you online. As far as your daily wardrobe goes, who cares? Your classmates or work buddies won't care that you aren't wearing a petticoat, or that you're wearing your favorite band tee with a BABY skirt. Experiment. Color outside the lines. Once you've tried a few things and know how to bring your own personal style into the fashion, THEN you should try posting some of your more experimental coordinates to the communities, or wearing them to local meetups. Otherwise, trust me, you're signing yourself up for more annoyance than it's worth.

♥There really are better things to spend your money on than brand. One of the things that always kills me is something I did myself when I first got into the fashion: all of my excess spending money went to building my wardrobe. I never really went out with my friends or took weekends off to go places with my family, because I was focused single-mindedly on affording lolita. I've always felt that experiences are more important than things, and the material excesses that lolita tends to breed can be really caustic to the soul. Yeah, you COULD buy Angelic Pretty's newest print release - or maybe you could go on vacation for a weekend. Get a hotel in the city (whichever city that is for you), maybe catch a show, and have a really fulfilling time with someone you care about (or alone!). It may not be quite as sartorially satisfying as owning and wearing a beautiful garment, but really, that time that you have either with someone you love or alone is worth way more than a dress you'll own for a couple years at most.

That's my opinion, anyway! Don't agree?

Check out these other tips from fellow Lolibloggers!

The Cute Lifestyle

Suns in Our Hands

ImaPrincess

Lace a la Mode
Smithsonian
R Gorey
Lolita Glamour
Oh Velveteena
Hello Batty

Guys’ Guide: A collection of articles inspired by conversations I’ve had about the lolita subculture with boyfriends, exes, and guy friends in general. These articles can certainly relate to anyone who’s an outside observer to the fashion - of any gender, sex, or sexuality - but are written with boyfriends of female lolitas in mind.

Lolitas and boyfriends at a recent Connecticut lolita meetup.
My graphic, but not my photos!

Guys’ Guide: The Lolita Community

When they hear about the lolita community, a lot of outsiders are totally blown away. The fact that tens of thousands of people are involved in some of the bigger groups is really shocking to a lot of people, and understandably so. That’s a huge number of rufflebutts, and typically that’s just the English-speaking ones! Add to that the fact that there are so many communities, and all of them have their own social norms and forms of conduct, and it’s enough to make most insiders head into mori-esque sartorial hermitages. Imagine how those who aren’t part of the fashion must feel!

But some of you guys out there might be curious about the fluffy ladies your girlfriend likes to kick around with. Maybe you want to get a better idea of what the title “lolita” implies, or you want to help your lady friends connect with other lolitas in their area. Whatever the reason, you‘ve decided to take the plunge and dive in head-first into the lolita community, local or online. Are you going to receive a welcome warm as bathwater, or the icy shock of dramatic rejection? That all depends on what you know and where you go.

But, first and most importantly...

How does she feel about it?

I mean, this is kind of a stupid question, but... you've talked to her about this already, right? It may seem harmless to you, but I can see a lot of reasons this may cause strife in a relationship. You have to consider that lolita and the lolita community could be a safe space for her (more on that later). It could be where she feels she's allowed to be candid or even affect a persona almost like she's playing a character. Or it could be that the local community has a lot of drama, and she doesn't want you to get your head bitten off and chewed up and spat out like so much meat. Or maybe she participates actively in the drama and is worried you'll judge her for it, like so many guys judge women who like soaps or reality TV. Even if you think she'd be a-okay with it, you should never take the chance; seriously, just run it by her first. If you guys are serious enough that you want to educate yourself on something like this, you should be serious enough to be open with each other on your desire to do so.

The Lolita Community Offline

So you wanna attend a meetup. Or your girlfriend invited you to brunch with her gals. Or you happen to run into a lolita you've met through your lady before. Whatever the reason, the time has come for you to confront lolitas in their natural environment. You may be scared; that's common. We're an intimidating bunch, for all our pearls and bows and frills. But don't worry! Just keep a few simple things in mind.

Kindly do:

• RSVP beforehand. Some meetups require an attendee count, like those at restaurants or museums, and this is a common courtesy expected of lolitas as well as their +1s.
• Introduce yourself and start conversations.
• Compliment people on their outfits.
• Politely inquire about pieces you find interesting.
• Talk about things besides clothes. Yes, they're at a fashion meet up, so they probably expect to spends lots of time talking ruffles and bows, but don't let that be a reason not to engage with the group. We're people too, and we tend to have some pretty diverse interests! I'd be surprised if your girlfriend were the only person you had things in common with at a meetup. 
• Dress appropriately for wherever you're going. A picnic meet up is going to necessitate different gear than a night at the opera. Make sure you know where you're going and that you have something appropriate to wear beforehand. Please don't just wing it and hope for the best.
• Be yourself! Most lolitas (heck, most people in general) are really quite forgiving when it comes to their friends' lovers. Don't be so afraid of making a faux pas that you come off as that antisocial weirdo (unless, of course, you are an antisocial weirdo. In which case, you'll actually probably be in good company at a lolita meet up).

However, please don't:

• Compliment someone on their costume. Seriously, just... trust me on this one.
• Ignore the rules of common courtesy. I think this is the biggest thing, honestly, because like I said, most lolitas are pretty forgiving of others’ boyfriends. At least try to be involved; make conversation, don't sit on your phone the whole time or hang back from the group, and you'll probably make a good impression.
• Look sloppy. You're obviously exempt from the rules of lolita and no one expects you to be your girlfriend's accessory either, but remember that you're going to spend at least a few hours with people who spend a good amount of time looking at and thinking about clothes. If you want to make a good first impression, that's the best way. (Also, hopefully it goes without saying, but- shower. Deodorize. Brush teeth. Etc.)

And as always, remember; lolitas are just people in fluffy skirts. Whatever you'd expect to annoy anyone else, expect to piss us off, too; whatever most people will let slide, we probably also will. I know it can be nerve-racking, especially if you've heard horror stories about the seedy underbelly of the comms, but really. In person, most lolitas are sweet as pie (we'll probably wait til we're back home to talk our shit about you).

The Lolita Community Online

Your lady friend probably frequents one of many communities (“comms”) online. To be perfect candid: for most guys and most communities, it's best if you just stay away from these.

No. Seriously.

See, here's the thing about the comms. As lolitas, we spend a lot of our public time around people who at best think we're kind of eccentric and at worst think we need serious psychiatric help. When we go out into the world and go about strangers, we get heckled or worse. We're often treated as a living, breathing freak show, in existence simply to amuse and entertain others. Sometimes that's as innocuous as answering endless questions (or the same question endlessly) , and sometimes it gets far more sinister and threatening than that. Most lolitas are used to having our personal space violated in various forms whenever we leave their houses.

The comms, in light of that, are a safe space to many lolitas. They allow us to socialize and connect with each other without having to deal with outsiders. They're private, they're public, they're selective or open- whatever they are, they belong to lolitas. I won't go so far as to say they're sacred, but to many lolitas they're pretty dang important. We're likely to get pretty territorial over them, so it's probably better if you just leave them be.

(Also, can I point out? Allowing boyfriends into comms has the potential to get really awkward or uncomfortable for everyone else. Some girls may feel the need to censor themselves if an 'outsider' is present. It can also make people think you're trying to keep track of your girlfriend's online activities in a way that could be triggering to anyone who's been in an abusive relationship, or could also give fellow members an unflattering opinion of/bad vibe from you. Isn't that the last thing you want from a group of people who're important to your girl?)

I know this seems harsh. I do know plenty of lolita boyfriends who are present and active in the online comms. And I know your interest is probably totally innocent and innocuous, but getting involved in the lolita community really could give everyone a bad first experience with you, and that's totally counter-intuitive if you want to get more involved on the subculture. If you decide it's still something you want to pursue, well, far be it from me to stop you, but it might be a good idea to go to a meetup and meet some of the girls in the community first (you never know - it's highly possible that you just really won't get along with any of them).

Now, obviously, if you're also an alt-fashion fan who likes or participates in something related like boystyle, dandy, steampunk, aristo, etc., obviously it's a different situation. Then you could probably infiltrate the group with no bad feelings at all. Wiggle your way on in there, you sly dog, you!

In Conclusion

Lolitas are like anyone else. I feel like that’s an ongoing theme in this series, and if you’ve been dating your lolita for any substantial amount of time you’ve certainly realized that about her by now. But even though you’re obviously aware of this in her case, it can be easy to get intimidated by some of the horror stories that surround us frilly females. Should you interact with the local community? That’s your call, and something you should decide for yourself after getting your girl’s opinion on the topic. Whatever you decide, and whether it’s in person or online that you decide to participate, keep these simple tips in mind while you’re doing it, and you shouldn’t feel like there’s one specific way you need to act or dress or speak when you’re with lolitas that’s any different from how you’d act with any of your girlfriend’s other friends.

Related Reads:

Lumpy on Love

I Would Love You, if Only You Were Someone Else

Do You Need to Be Involved in the Lolita Fashion Community? (Ramble Rori)

I'm pretty sure every follower of lolita fashion is familiar with the book we so often get likened to. Plenty of us yell and scream about how the conventional definition of the word is completely off-base, and we can tell people we aren't sexually-provocative young girls until our throats bleed, the only way we can truly understand the difference between ourselves and the characters in the book is to, you know, actually read it. That's what I was thinking the first time I picked up the book.I first read Lolita when I originally got into this fashion, to arm myself against what I imagined would be an onslaught of pedophiles as soon as I uttered its name. I went to my local library. I read the first page. I was hooked, and the addiction would last a lifetime.

It isn't even so much that it's a good story. For me, that first time, it didn't even have a story. I was so entranced by the beauty of Nabokov's language, his flowery descriptions and elegant prose, that my first time reading the book I couldn't have told you what it was about. I registered nothing but the words- beautiful words I had never heard of or seen before, in English, Latin, and French.

But then, the second time I read it, I picked up on the plot: the beautiful, heartbreaking, incredibly disturbing plot. You may have heard that Lolita

is a troubling book, not just in the sense of being a mentally-taxing read, but also in that you find yourself rooting for the bad guy-- a bad guy who is so far from most civilized morals that, before reading, you think he's the type of character you could never feel any sympathy for. Of course I won't go into details or give anything away, but anyone who has experience with incest, sexual trauma, rape, or even kidnapping, please be warned that this book could be highly triggering. However, if you're a bibliophile, this piece is practically required reading. It was through Lolitathat I learned to think critically of point of view, that I learned that the narrator is not always trustworthy, that I learned to think outside of the box which was instilled in me during my middle school English classes. When I'm a literature teacher, I'll probably assign this book for these reasons if nothing else.

But I digress. The point is, there's more to this book than racy thematic devices. This piece is an excellent read for anyone interested in vintage fashion (Oh, if I had Dolly's wardrobe!), psychology, literature, or even just people who like long books full of fancy words and beautiful prose which borders on erotica. If nothing else, read this book to arm yourself against the fight our name has destined us for; I can almost guarantee you'll enjoy it.

One would think that, as detail-oriented as lolitas are in our fashion, we'd be that driven to keep every aspect of our lives impeccable. Our cars would be shiny, the foods we cooked would always be beautiful as well as delicious, and our rooms wouldn't have so much as a stray speck of lint on the floor, let alone half our wardrobes. Funnily enough, it seems to be that many lolitas - myself included - are the exact opposite! It's like we can only focus on so many things, our perfectionism can only be spread so thin, and if we go out for the day with perfect hair and make-up it'll look like there was a mini-earthquake in our bedrooms or apartments as a result.

As someone who spent much of her life treading carefully around little piles of books, papers, and clothes stacking on the floor, I've had a lot of experience with clutter. For a long time, I just accepted it - it's part of my personality! "Organized chaos" was a perfect phrase for the rest of my life, why balk at the idea that that would apply to my personal space as well? But when I first moved into my own apartment back in 2007, I realized that the cramped, cluttered, precarious form of "organization" that I'd used in my bedroom was not going to work for my kitchen, bathroom, or living room, and it was time to make some changes. In the years since then, though I've been in and out of various living arrangements - dorms, house-shares, even back in my old room at my parents' for a few painful months here and there - I've found some tried-and-true techniques for keeping the clutter at bay.

♥First and foremost, make your bed! The easiest way to make a room look cleaner is to have a made-up bed.  It's easy, quick, and makes hitting the hay in the evening way more tempting - I love the idea of getting into tight sheets and mussing them up!

♥A place for everything, and everything in its place - isn't that the old adage? Well, it's true - especially for lolitas! Having a place to store your jewelry, hair accessories, socks, and shoes makes tidying up a messy room that much quicker and easier, especially if your places are quick things - bowl on your vanity for rings, an old hat box for headbands, and a dolled-up shoe rack - where you can just toss things without having to worry too much about organizing them, etc.

♥Obviously, though, having too much of anything can be a bad thing, so if you find yourself completely unable to keep up with your possessions, it may be a sign that it's time to de-clutter.  Go through your problem spots and get rid of anything that you honestly, truly don't need - being brutal with yourself at this point is the only way to truly beat your inner pack rat!

♥Have some type of chair or bench in your room. It's for more than just sitting! This is a great place to put lolita garments for a while before re-hanging them, or to keep piles of laundry off the floor or your bed (which is usually just a halfway house before they end up on the floor for me). As long as you're strict with yourself and make sure you actually put the clothes away at least twice a week, this keeps your floor AND your laundry cleaner!

♥And speaking of laundry, having a cute laundry bin is a great way to keep on top of those dirty socks and bloomers. I usually hang a mesh bag for laundry on the inside of my closet where it can be kept out-of-view easily, but, you know the other old adage - out of sight, out of mind! It's too easy to forget about laundry if it's secreted away somewhere, so instead, find or craft yourself a cute hamper that will enhance instead of detract from your decor, and you'll be much more likely to actually use it! The adorable one to the right was customized by Violet LeBeaux.

♥Also, you'll be more likely to keep things off the floor if your floor is nice to look at! We aren't all lucky enough to have beautiful, antiqued hardwood floors, so the rest of us can improvise with cute rugs. These can cost you anywhere between fifteen dollars and hundreds - mine is a nice, neutral grey one with big, abstract flowers on it from Ikea a few years ago. Even subconsciously, I'm less likely to clutter it up, so it always surprises me that it's the tidiest part of my floor!

♥Similarly, having a well-decorated room which suits your aesthetics is an often-overlooked part of keeping your space clean. It should go without saying, but you're more likely to take care of and keep tidy a room you love. Great reasoning to paint your room bubblegum pink, right? I dunno, I wouldn't try it on MY landlord!

Readers: What are your clutter-busting tips? I'd love to hear them, because though I've certainly come rather far in the past few years, I'm still quite the clutter-bug!

To children all over the world, there are few archetypes which end up shaping their world views more than that of the Disney princess. Think back for yourselves- whether you were the target market (read: little girl) or not, almost all of us can recall the first of these characters for whom we first fell, and often it's a lifelong love affair. One of my friends collects Ariel memorabilia ad nauseum even today. For one reason or another, there are few types of heroines which end up imprinting themselves so much on the minds of our youths. Maybe that's why there's also so much resistance and controversy over what values the megalithic corporation extols to children through its movies.

We can't deny that the older Disney princesses were anything but role models to the young women of today. Snow White's constant refrain of "Someday my prince will come" was nothing if not personified in the princesses who followed immediately after, Aurora and Cinderella. All three of these ladies exemplify the old-fashioned stereotype of women as the helpless, hapless victims of circumstance, of a fate enacted upon them by an evil older woman of great power and even greater corruption (sometimes the only other woman we meet in the movie), who need men to sweep in and rescue them from their trials and whisk them away to Happily-Ever-After-Land.

The reason why these movies have come under scorn, in the past few decades especially, should be fairly obvious. Wave after wave of feminism has been paving the way for women to move beyond those conventional stereotypes, to embrace their power over their own destinies, and, most importantly, to teach them that their power to do both of those things is not based on the affections or attentions of a man.

Thankfully, though, the next wave of movies rolled in with sweeping changes in characters and themes, all of which were much more fitting to the mindsets of the eighties and nineties. Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine were independent, confident young women who stood precariously with one foot on the solid ground imposed by their patriarchal societies and one foot dangling dreamily into their own hopes for the future. Ariel wants desperately to join the utopia she perceives life on land to be, a flame which is fanned by her attraction to the human Prince Eric. Belle would happily reject society altogether in favor of fairy tales until she sacrifices her quiet life for a stay in the Beast's castle, where if nothing else she can escape the pressures put upon her by her pastoral French village. Jasmine is the impetuous princess of Agrabah who refuses to become some entitled sultan's trophy wife and demands instead that she marry for love. I think it's pretty obvious why these princesses are by far the most dearly-loved by my generation: they have the same values of curiosity, loyalty, and honesty that so many of us have grown up with, even if their stories do hinge greatly on "getting the guy." However, they've also got huge character flaws- Ariel leaves behind her home, her family, and everyone she loves for a guy, and Belle is nothing if not a textbook example of Stockholm Syndrome. Even Jasmine, it could be said, sacrifices her deeply-rooted desire for honesty by taking back the guy who lied to her over and over again about his very identity. I mean, sure, he saved her life, so that helps, but still, it's not a move I'd respect very much in a real person.

These characters also mark a huge shift in the heroines with which we are provided as young people. While these characters certainly still have their problems, and the romantic lessons one gleans from these stories aren't the best (ie: they can lie to you, verbally abuse you, and take you away from your family forever, as long as it's in the name of love), but as far as their predecessors go, they're an absolute grand jeté in the right direction. They tell young people that it's okay for you to want something more than you're given by circumstance, and to strive for the type of future you truly feel you deserve, no matter what the people around you expect. Thinking of my friends who identified most with these princesses in our youth, they're all strong, independent people making their way in the world, no matter what their friends or families think of them for it. I'm not saying that these Disney movies caused this mindset, but they certainly could have contributed to it.

 

A third, more recently-concluded wave of princesses featuring Pocahontas, Mulan, and Tiana follow in the footsteps of those who came directly before them. They have the same struggles of personal independence against the rigid societies they've been born into and the same romantic, masculine-driven undertones to their stories (ie, they owe a huge change in their fortunes to the men they encounter; without those men, their stories would have been totally different or completely unremarkable). However, there is one key difference to these princesses: they aren't white. Pocahontas is a Native American in what would soon become Virginia, Mulan is a Chinese warrior in the imperial army, and Tiana is an African-American waitress in New Orleans circa the jazz age. Before this, Jasmine was the only non-white Princess in the Disney line-up. And aside from Pocahontas, who, by being the daughter of a chief, is the cultural equivalent of a princess, none of these women have typical royal blood, but all of them have the same strong family ties that their immediate predecessors also possessed.

Each of their movies also deals with unique forms of discrimination as well: Pocahontas chronicles a clashing of two cultures, one of whom defends the rights of their ancestral land, the other of whom pushes for expansion and exploration in the name of their monarch. Mulan shows the struggles of a young woman being oppressed by gender roles and traditions which threaten her family's very wellbeing. And Tiana, of course, is fighting for her dream of owning a grand restaurant on the New Orleans waterfront while dealing with just how little is expected of her as a southern Black woman. They also have strong wills, backed mostly by deeply-rooted ambitions or a sense of justice and honor, and are more than willing to step on some powerful toes to fight for what they know they deserve. This is incredibly poignant when one considers the target market of these princesses: young people of color. While these three women definitely don't accurately represent the demographic of their viewers, having four non-white princesses is certainly a lot better than having none. First Jasmine, and then Tiana, Mulan, and Pocahontas don't solve some the problem of under-representation, but they absolutely do pave the way for even more princesses and heroines of color in popular children's movies.

Warning: Brave discussed ahead! I'm trying to keep spoilers out of it, but proceed only with caution if you haven't seen it!

As Disney Princess movies progress through time, they also become more socially progressive, and the last handful of heroines certainly break the molds set by the originals. However, even the contrast between the two most recent princesses, Merida and Rapunzel, shows an interesting shift in mindsets. Both are princesses by birth, though Rapunzel doesn't know it, both have rather remarkable hair, and both are white. However, Rapunzel's world is literally confined to her tower and visits from her mother (not counting, of course, her charming chameleon sidekick, Pascal), and the only "society" she bucks against is the upbringing her guardian imparts to her, in which fear and uncertainty are instilled in a headstrong and ambitious young woman with only varying degrees of success. Merida is actively rebelling against what one may assume is centuries of tradition, not to mention the expectations of her own parents, by refusing one of the most important rites in a young princess's life. Now, the biggest uniting factor between these two princesses is their fierce desires to take control of their own destinies: Rapunzel's one dream is to see the lights which float in the sky every year on the evening of her birth, and Merida's desire to discover who she is as a person and where that person can fit into the traditions of her home speeds her on a journey through magic and mythology. It's unfortunate that Rapunzel would probably never have had the confidence or means to actually achieve her goal if the charming renegade Flynn Rider had never stumbled upon her tower and whisked her away; however, the voyage is very much about the two of them working together so that she can achieve her life's goal. It's refreshing to see a story about a driven young woman being supported by her romantic interest so whole-heartedly, no matter what other forces come into play throughout the story. And, honestly, as far as Merida goes, I have so many things to say about this wonderful Princess that she really needs her own article - it's in the works, though, so keep an eye out for it!

These two young women are the type of heroines I would be delighted to show my own future children because they have a very definite moral: whoever you are is an excellent person to be, no matter who tries to hold you down or change you, and having goals to work towards make that person an even more spectacular one, as long as you don't let your dreams control your life and keep you from smelling the roses. This moral is much, much healthier than anything gleaned from the movies which came before it (excepting maybe the third wave's sweeping themes of diversity and acceptance), and is one that I would be happy to impart to any youth of any age or era. 

In the end, after all, it's important to remember that that's what all movies and media are, especially those meant for children: a way to communicate ideas to an impressionable audience, and some of those ideas - the importance of family; the necessity of being true to oneself; the audacity of believing in yourself, even if you're the only one who does - would benefit any of us to be reminded of. However, it's important to take those wonderful themes with a grain of salt and be conscious of what else is being communicated in these movies - especially when all of these life lessons are being imparted to children who don't have enough experience of their own to act as a foil against those harmful ideas that they're seeing. It's especially easy for lolitas to appreciate the sweet romances, the awe and respect of magic, and the childlike simplicity of these movies; however, when we consider the impact they can have on society and those more impressionable than ourselves, it can be easy for us to understand the intense scorn with which many adults regard them. There's nothing wrong with enjoying Disney Princess flicks- as long as we remember that, no matter what we may get out of them, sometimes there's more to it than what we're perceiving, and those other messages really shouldn't be looked past because of our appreciation of the fairytale fantasies portrayed therein.

All art in this post from ~agusmp on devianart, posted with permission!

No, don't worry, I'm not getting married! Well, actually, I might be engaged but it's kind of up in the air and rather complicated right now. However, the lovely photo above as well as my duty as bridesmaid to my good friend Tina prompted me to consider the nature of weddings and the place of lolita within them.

The wonderful thing about weddings is that they're as customizable as you want them to be: pet lovers will have their dogs walk down the aisle in the bridal party, grooms' cakes which satirize the new husband's obsessions are getting more and more popular, and who hasn't seen photos of retro-inspired weddings? However, for some reason, lolita weddings seem to be a bit of a taboo in the community. Maybe this is because lolita is seen as more obscure of a fashion, not one that a couple is likely to have in common in their lives (unlike, say, punk or rockabilly) and therefore it's more likely that only on partner of the pair may actually have much of an interest in it. Or it could be because lolita is seen as childish; "things like that have no place in the most important day of your life," I can just hear a mother-in-law-to-be say. And personally, I kind of agree. I don't see myself ever having a lolita wedding, but I feel like lolita is so deeply ingrained into my aesthetic that it'll manifest itself in the proceedings somehow or other.

If you're interested in adding some lolita touches to your own celebration, here are a few tips:

♥Themes that would lend themselves well to lolification are fairy tale (think lots of carriages and tiaras and glass slippers), floral themes like cherry blossoms or roses, or Victorian-inspired with high-collared necklines or bustled dresses.

♥Floral arrangements: Consult the language of flowers, a Victorian means of communication that ascribes different meanings to different plants. Check here for Wikipedia's article on floriography. Some flowers with particularly lolita-friendly meanings are asters, lilacs, geraniums, and moonflowers.

♥Favors: Especially if you have lolitas in attendance or in your bridal party! Some lovely ideas for lolita-inspired favors include monogrammed fans (maybe with a little pamphlet on the language of fans), a small box of personalized truffles, or even a small deck of playing cards.

♥Reception: Instead of a fancy, expensive dinner party, have a tea party around brunch time. That way, not only is it often cheaper to rent venues earlier in the day, but you can also connect to your inner Mad Hatter!

♥Bridesmaid gifts: Anything with pearls, trailing ribbons, or rhinestones!

Lolitas: Are you planning on getting married? If so, will you include lolita in your festivities, or is it an "appropriate time and place" type of deal?

(Oh, also, heads up- starting Monday, I'm going to be in New Zealand for two weeks! I'm planning on having some articles scheduled to go up while I'm gone, but that may or may not happen.

An affirmation is a declaration of something that's true; an affirmation prayer is a religious or metaphysical technique that focuses on a positive outcome instead of a negative one (thanks, Wikipedia!). While "prayer" is a term I shy away from, because I dislike anything that has religious connotations, I think of an affirmation as being a collection of positive thoughts that sees you through hard times, and I think it's important for everyone to have one.

Here's the affirmation I've taken to saying to myself before bed at night, or some variation thereof:

I am a creation of love and beauty. Everything I do spreads positivity and happiness to the people around me. I share the light in my soul with everyone who is dear to me, and I strive to be someone who makes their lives better simply for knowing me. I am cool and calm and collected, and completely comfortable with myself no matter how I look, dress, or feel. The negativity I encounter is nothing compared to the joy I hold within me, and even the darkest of my own depressions can be beaten by it.When I am in doubt of my own awesomeness, I remember that I am a goddess of love and beauty in my own way. I am powerful and capable, and obstacles fall before me; everything I strive for I can accomplish, and if not, it's because accomplishing it will not further my growth as a human being. Everything I have encountered comes together within me to shape me into the person I am today, no matter how awful it seemed at the time. With the love, peace, and joy within me, I am unstoppable. I am fearless. I cannot be beaten.

I think it's really important for everyone to have an affirmation that will lift their spirits when challenges seem insurmountable. If you don't have one yet, I really suggest writing one for yourself! It can be as simple or complex as you like; this one is rather long, but another mantra of mine that I find myself falling back to time and again is as easy as "Breathe. You can do this." The important part of your affirmation is that it reminds you of everything you're striving for and how amazing your life will be once you accomplish these goals. It'll get your through difficult times and remind you that whatever you're living through at that moment, no matter how dire it seems, will someday be one more challenge you've learned and grown from.

Do you have a motto?

Share your own affirmations in the comments section!

If you don't already have one, what would yours be?

I'm definitely not an beauty expert, but every lolita -hell, every PERSON - knows that make-up has two affects on your overall look: it either enhances or detracts. There are some lolita make-up moves that I've noticed in the past few years which seem, to me, rarely to do the former and almost always do the latter.

As with any part of your coordinate, everything you do with your make-up should be considered objectively to make sure it's enhancing the image you're going for. If you were wearing a completely sweet coordinate, for example, entirely of mint and pink, would you put on a big, black, gothic headdress? It may be interesting circumstantially, but for the most part, I'd advise against it. It's the same with make-up: if it detracts from the look of the rest of your outfit or overpowers it or negatively draws attention to itself, you're better off going without.

As always, remember: there are exceptions to every rule, so don't think of these as hard, concrete facts. Almost everything I mention here, while I'm typing, I think, "Yeah, but there was that really cute girl at the meet-up who..." or, "Yeah, but what about that picture you saw on Tumblr the other day?" So if I knock down your favorite make-up tip, please don't be offended! There are right ways and wrong ways to do everything.

A Loose List of Lolita Make-up Don'ts:

♥Over-concealing: One of the biggest parts of lolita make-up is a porcelain, doll-like appearance, and that's not always very easily-achieved by us humans, who're prone to redness, blemishes, and even skin tone. However, it's important to resist the urge to go really crazy on the Erase Paste, as concealers and foundations and primers and powders can cake up really easily and look overdone. Over-doing it will draw attention to whatever it is you're trying to cover up and can settle in the lines in your face and make you look old, which is not exactly the way to achieve effortless, light, child-like beauty. Lord knows I can be prone to this one myself, hence why it's right at the top of the list!

♥Lining the lower lash line: Now, this isn't always bad, but in a lot of alternative fashion I often see heavy black liner under the eye with nothing in the lid. Here's the problem with that: a dark, heavy line along the bottom of the eye pulls the onlooker's eye down and makes it look like the wearer has heavy undereye circles (could I have said the word "eye" more in that sentence?!) Instead, what looks better is a thin line of eyeliner all along the upper lash line (maybe getting a little thick toward the outer edge, or finish with a cat-eye if you're feeling fancy) and line only the outer third of your lower lash line- from the outer corner to the iris, or colored part, of your eye; this will make your eyes look wider and brighter, and therefore more awake. Bonus points if you use a soft shadow instead of thick, heavy liner on the lower lash line.

♥Pink or red eye shadow: To be perfectly honest, I almost didn't include this one, because I see it often, and it's very often done right. However, with certain skin tones, pink or red eye shadow or liner will make your eyes look red, making you look tired, like you've been crying, or like you have pink eye, none of which are very loli at all! If you're very gung-ho about using one of these colors in your make-up look, try to either find a shade that compliments your skin tone, or pair it with a neutral and use the pink/red as an accent color.

♥Wash your face at night!: This is such a big one for everyone, but especially lolitas, to go back to that porcelain look we try so hard to emulate. If you don't wash off your make-up and sweat and all the other nastiness we accumulate during the day, it'll cause breakouts. I'm pretty sure everyone knows this, but it bears repeating! A daily cleanser and a moisturizer should be used once a day, and deep exfoliation once a week. Another quick fix are make-up remover wipes. Or, if you're thrifty, bathroom wipes with vitamin E and aloe- they have to same active ingredients but are much less expensive!

What are your least-favorite make-up techniques that show up on lolitas often?

(No naming names!)

Last weekend, I helped my friend Marrisa host a lovely little brunch for our local lolitas. It was a most excellent afternoon- much fun was had all around, or so I'd like to think! Here are some shots of the food we provided:

The table, minus Marrisa's salad and plus a photobombing Remi

In another life I went to school for food photography.

...in this other life, I was probably also a lot better at it than I am in this one. Oh well.

Remi + kitten: One of many more to come

Everybody!

Jillian:

Gloria:

Remi:

Marrisa, our hostess:

Me- more here!

Aaaaaaand.... catspam. I have no regrets.

Remi + Toby = OTP. Seriously, I have no idea why I have so many pictures of her with this cat, but they're all so damn cute!

I think I lied. Actually, in another life I'm a cat photographer.

♥Tips for hosting your own Loli Brunch ♥♥Offer a variety of options! Scones or waffles or cinnamon buns are delicious brunch staples, but make sure you have something that isn't so decadent. Marrisa made a delicious grilled pear salad, and I brought granola with soy milk.♥In the same vein, as always, make sure there are no food or pet allergies that you need to watch out for!♥Get creative with drinks. Everyone was excited to try the iced hojicha Marrisa had made as well as taking their pick of a plethora of teas. Another cute idea would be Italian sodas- buy a bunch of cutely-colored syrups and some Sprite or seltzer and let your guests concoct libations to match their outfits.♥Experiment with table settings! Mismatched glasses, silverware, or place settings give a wonderland vibe; use vases or milk bottles as pitchers for cold drinks; plain white teacups on vibrantly-patterned chine saucers are a stark contrast and bring life to the table.♥Have a communal bonding activity, especially if you don't know everyone well. We happened to luck out by having ridiculously personable cats to play/camwhore with and later on in the afternoon we played Text Twist, but a cute card game or a craft would be nice too.


Extra: This is how Marrisa actually, literally got me into my corset this morning! Re-enacted for the sake of the camera.