In my culture, and many others around the world, making New Year's Resolutions has always been a common practice and, three months later, a common let-down when you break them. Maybe you started eating fried food again or stopped going to weekly worship of your chosen religion, or maybe you're just back to thinking rude comments of the people around you, but either way, I'm sure anyone who's ever made New Year's Resolutions has broken more than a few. Though I always make a pretense of half-assing myself some behavioral changes come January first, it's been years since I've actually been committed to one.

However, this year, I find myself in need of change. Due to various things, I've realized that my life has been drastically improving over the last, oh, seven or eight months or so, and what with finishing another semester of college, being in a happy relationship, and finding myself presented with new opportunities, it seems like I should be celebrating. But I'm not. Or, at least, I haven't been; the seduction of stress has gotten me again, and between health, work, family, and finals, I've allowed myself to become one huge tied-up knot of frustration &negativity when such a state has really been unnecessary. This toxicity, I'm realizing, is what has been holding me back this whole semester and is what has kept me from taking full advantage of the amazing opportunities I've been presented with.

No more! As I've just started me twenty-first year and have officially become an adult by American standards, I've decided that it's time for some New Year Resolutions as a way to start forming my life into a more fulfilling one that I really enjoy living. One of those resolutions is to spread positivity not only to myself but to the World At Large, and I'm happy to say I've done just that. From helping my friends with HTML or Japanese homework to baking cookies and making my family dinner, I've been trying my hardest to put some more effort into giving back to the people I love. That can't be all, though; now I'm trying to give some positivity to people I don't know, have never met, and don't owe anything to. One such example is Joey.

I came into contact with Joey from his being featured on F*** Yeah Lolita's series Lolitas Who Break the Mold. In it, he mentioned that the Metamorphose Swan Lake JSK in pink was his dream dress, and I felt that familiar pricking in my heart that said there was something I could do to help - kind of like a bat signal. I cast a sidelong glance at my closet and, not wanting to believe what I had to do, saw the exact dress he was pining for languishing next to my bathrobe. I tried to think back to the last time I'd worn it and was at a total loss. After a moment's hesitation, I typed up a comment that said I owned that dress and would be willing to sell it, if he were interested in buying. I received an e-mail address and an enthusiastic "Yes, please!" from Joey, and after a few weeks of discussion and saving up on his part, there was finally an exchange of promise on my end and money on his. He's such a sweetheart - he put up with a few more weeks of me floundering around through papers, debates with drycleaners, and frantic searching for lost detachable bows (normally I would never sell anything during finals, but the opportunity had arose and I felt like putting it off would be worse than the effort it took to get it done), all absolutely without complaint.

I received word that he received the dress yesterday, and his thanks were so heartfelt and moving that it reminded me the magic of a good deed. What with the state of our lolita internet community and the fact that we have ENTIRE WEBSITES devoted to bitching about people (which have their place and is another post entirely), I think it's really important that we remember the people sitting on the other sides of these computers and the hearts beating under these layers of frills and to give back to them in any way we can, whether that's helping a newbie on the egl community or providing someone with their dream dress. Everyone gets bogged down by the negativity of daily life, and it's important to find a way to let that negativity fly away into space and fill the void it leaves in us with happiness and love (okay, okay, sorry about the hippie bullshit).

I've always had a love-hate relationship with bonnets. On the one hand, they can be infantalizing and childish. On the other, while lolita headwear certainly runs the gamut of whimsical creativity, there is nothing that is so iconic as the bonnet. All other types of hair accessory can, with creativity, be worn with normal clothing (though the traditional headdress would probably be a bit difficult), but the bonnet is so crazy, so extreme, so quintessentially lolita that there is no way they could be anything else. I have a policy that everything I buy for lolita accessories must be able to be, in some way, worn with regular clothes, so buying a bonnet, especially if I don't know how it would look on me, seemed utterly flippant.

I did dabble, though - I bought a pink BABY bonnet in the... fall or winter, I believe, but decided that it didn't suit me - the brim was wired strangely, the color didn't jive, the lace wasn't right. It was a bit too sweet for me - I decided that the bonnet that was truly for me was an ornate buckram one, Tripe Fortune-style, with chiffon and lace and bows and maybe even roses. So my quest for the perfect bonnet continued, to my own internal chagrin.

In February, at the Chocopologie meet-up I hosted, I chatted crafts with Caro-chan of F*** Yeah Lolita. She showed me a beautiful netted fascinator she made and mentioned that she would be opening up an Etsy shop soon. We talked inconsequentially about Etsy for a moment, and then she said that she was going to be adding real, handmade buckram-frame bonnets to the shop once she perfected the pattern. I DIED. I probably gave her whiplash from the torrent of babbling I let loose, about how long I'd been wanting one, how awesome Triple Fortune was, insisting she let me know when they went up, was she taking commissions... luckily for me she put up with my outburst of utter crazy, bless her heart.

Fast forward a few months, to about April. I got this absolutely beautiful dress commissioned from I Do Declare for my birthday and a photo shoot, and while I wanted to make a circlet for the photo shoot (what's a queen without her crown?) , I was at a loss as to what to wear for my birthday party - I couldn't wear the same thing twice, of course!! (Communal groan from the audience, I know, I know) I wracked my brain, and then thought back to that conversation. While nothing in her Etsy shop would have matched, I remembered that she said she was taking custom commissions, so I sent her a message. We hashed out a design over e-mail, Livejournal message, and text, and finally figured something out for color and style. She requested a month to make the bonnet, but because of delays from the post (she contacted Kelsey and asked her to send some fabric swatches and then scraps when she couldn't find a good match), she actually ended up making and getting the bonnet to me in a matter of days.

Construction: I cannot get over how beautiful this bonnet is. I've never seen anything like it in person - it's exquisitely crafted and the work is beautiful. When I think about how, due to time constraints, she only had about a day to make the entire bonnet, I am stunned. I don't think I could make anything that crazy-awesome no matter how long I took to do it. The quality of materials is also lovely. The fabric was the leftovers from my dress, so Kelsey and I originally selected that, but the accoutrements Carolyn selected (lace, ribbon, etc) are very high-quality as well. The stitches are all hidden and those you can see are tiny and neat. 5/5.
Communication: As I said above, Carolyn employed every means of getting in touch with me possible, including livejournal message, e-mail, and text message. She sent pictures over the phone in real time to get my opinion and help make decisions, and demonstrated an admirable knowledge of her subject in her recommendations, as I had no idea what would look better in most cases. She gave me detailed updates whenever possible and was always patient with my silly questions and long response times. 5/5.
Shipping: No problems here, either! I was originally only getting regular shipping, but since it was so close to the party, as a birthday present Carolyn paid the difference for next-day shipping so I would have it in time. It arrived in perfect condition just before noon on the promised day and wasn't shaken up, crushed, or generally damaged at all. It was packed in a plastic bag in a box padded with paper. 5/5.
Overall: I normally have an intrinsic problem with giving anything a perfect score, simply because pop music and sitcoms have made me wary of anything deemed "perfect," but here I cannot give anything less than 15 out of 15. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the product I received, everything was perfect and to my exact specifications, and I would recommend Ophanim and Carolyn's work any time. Caro-chan, thank you so much for an amazing addition to my wardrobe!!

A few years ago, I moved into my own apartment. It was less than a month after graduating high school, and I found myself in a rinky-dink studio apartment with absolutely no money after rent for anything more than Ramen noodles, Pop-Tarts and Wendy's. I couldn't have been happier. However, you can imagine what a diet like that did to my health, and without money for the fancy lotions and potions I was used to pampering my skin with, I had to learn how to make due with what I had. Luckily for me, what I had was a corner store, a few dollars, and the Internet. With these simple tools, you too can build your own beauty regime for pennies! (/commercial)

My absolute beauty stand-by is, to this day, baking soda. For about $0.89 USD, you can buy a few months' worth, depending on what you use it for, and it does almost anything. Anything I need done, I use baking soda first, and if it doesn't work, I proceed from there. Usually, it works. I exfoliate my face with a tablespoon of baking soda mixed with about a teaspoon of water; I gently rub the paste in circles over my face and neck, then rinse. I follow it up with diluted apple cider vinegar as a toner, and my skin has never been softer. My hair is another thing I turn to baking soda for: normal shampoos are not only expensive, but they can also be bad for your hair because they strip natural, healthy oils as well as grease from your hair. Baking Soda, on the other hand, simply dries the grease from the outside of the follicle without penetrating through it and removing the good stuff. I use a tablespoon of baking soda to about a cup of water as shampoo, and the same concentration of vinegar to water for conditioner - if you have very dry hair or get very greasy, you should look into the No Poo method, as it's called! It also helps preserve your dye job, if you roll like that. No time to shower before dashing out the door? I run some dry baking soda through my hair at the roots, and it dries up the grease and keeps it looking nice until I can shower when I get home. It's also a natural deodorizer, so you can use it in place of deodorant if you have sensitive skin.

A few more tips:

• Have a zit? Cut a clove of garlic in half and rub the cut side on it. Garlic is a natural astringent, so it will drastically reduce redness of new pimples that haven't formed a head yet. If that garlic won't work (say you can't stand the smell, or the zit has already popped), hold an ice cube on it for as long as you can before you go to bed at night. This will soothe the inflammation and the blemish will be noticeably less red by the next morning.
• If you have bags under your eyes, cucumbers are not an urban legend! However, if you want something stronger, put two spoons or used black teabags in the fridge the night before, and place them on your eyes for as long as you can manage. The chemicals in tea are naturally healing, but the cooling affect is really the star here, so metal spoons work too.
• For another great homemade exfoliator, mix one part kosher salt or sugar with two parts olive oil, or use this great aspirin face rub.
• Lemon juice can be used to strengthen nails and give them a natural shine. Dip a Q-tip in fresh lemon juice and rub it onto your nails for a few minutes. Leave it on for about ten minutes. This can also lighten the white parts of your nail.
• After you're done brushing your teeth, gently brush your lips with the toothbrush. This exfoliates them which makes them smooth, can help with chapping, and makes lipstick stay on longer and brighter.
• Some foods that can be used to make great face masks are honey, yogurt, avocado, and oatmeal.
• Hot Oil treatments are great to add shine and softness to your hair. Take a few tablespoons of olive oil (the length of your hair will determine exactly how much you'll need), heat it in the microwave for a few seconds (it should be warm but not so hot that it burns you) and rub the hot oil through your hair. Cover with a plastic bag and leave on for as long as possible, preferably over night but at least thirty minutes. Then, the trick to washing it out is to rub shampoo into your hair before getting it wet. Oil and water are NOT friends, and so if you saturate the oil with shampoo before wetting your hair you'll have a much better time of it.

Darling readers, what are your favorite home beauty tips?

Also, yet another new layout! I know, I know, I made the last one like a month ago and there are blogs who don't change their layout for months or even years, but... they're just so much fun to make! I went with a sort of "room" theme for this one, with things that reminded me of a Victorian parlor (striped "wallpaper" with pictures in ornate frames and pretty chandeliers). Also, for the background, it was originally pink but I made it blue instead - if you made it and want credit for it anyway let me know! I lost my original source...

You know what? I'm just going to say it. I like the rules. I like following rules; they give structure and order and define us as a subculture. Now, I'm not saying that I don't occasionally wear a dress without a petticoat, or I never leave the house with bare legs or a bare head, but if I do, I'm much less likely to call my coordinate "lolita," because it just does not fit the rules of that fashion. It's like if a punk went out in a yellow polo shirt and jeans with his piercings and tattoos and dyed hair. Does it look bad? No, probably not. However, is it punk? Not by any stretch of the imagination.

And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with not fitting your little stereotyped mold perfectly, and I think that's something we should strive to do because it's our job to break stereotypes. However, if you do break stereotypes, know that it may not conform to that label anymore - and personally, I think that's awesome. Be a fashion pioneer! Wear whatever you feel like, but know that it might not be lolita. If you're breaking the rules, it probably isn't.

That's not to say that innovation is "against the rules." Take this outfit by Kelsey of I Do Declare:
It's beautiful. It's innovative. It's everything lolita should be this summer, in my opinion, and it still follows all the rules. See? The Rules shouldn't be viewed as something constricting or stifling of your sartorial creativity but rather as enhancing it, providing a framework that challenges your creativity to work within it. And again, there's nothing wrong with breaking the rules. Sometimes you can only make a coordinate work if you forgo socks, or if you wear a highly-styled wig instead of a hairpiece. However, it's important to know where that line is, when it can be crossed, and when it needs to stay a boundary.

On CNN, Donald Trump just told me the reason I'm angry about Miss America contestants being shot in an uncompromising photoshoot is that I'm jealous. Now, as a woman, I am obviously livid. However, as a lolita, I am even more angry; excuse you, Donald Trump? I'm jealous?! Yes, sir. That's why I'm pissed that these brilliant, self-possessed women who are engineers and have careers that they worked hard for are being told that actually, you can't have any power in my world unless you take off your clothes.

Now, I find that interesting. As a lolita, I never feel more empowered than when I'm completely dressed, completely done-up, and looking entirely unreal (I've heard gyarus say that they only feel comfortable when they're entirely artificial). I find it hard to believe that there are women who feel like showing off their bodies is what gives them power, when it's the exact opposite for me. Who is right? Is it better to remove all layers of artifice and show your true, uncovered self to gain power from anyone who sees you, or to shut that side of you off from the world and empower yourself only by your own standards? Is it better to be a whore or a freak?

Personally, I'd rather be a freak. I'd rather know that I look beautiful for me, by my standards, even if those aren't the rest of America's (or any other country, for that manner). I don't wish I looked like those women. I love my body, but it's mine. My body is mine for me to treasure and to share whomever I see fit. Maybe someday I'd be interested in showing it to other people, but even if I did, it wouldn't be like that.

I also don't find it wrong to pose for photos in various stages of undress. I don't even feel it's wrong for women to do it lounging on beds in stilettos giving either Marilyn Monroe-smiles or smoldering come-hither looks. That's fine. There's art to that, if it's done right. However, I find that promoting a pageant that already comes under scorn in the minds of feminists in this way is not the best thing for their company or, more importantly, their viewers. I heard a higher-up in the company saying that if you go to their website, you'll see that some of the women are engineers or some of them are x or y, but guess what, Miss Universe Organization? The six-year-old girl who's watching the pageant with her family isn't seeing that. The young men who see advertisements on the subway or in magazines or wherever they're going to promote using these images don't know that, either; all they're seeing is yet another woman being objectified in her panties on a bed. I think that Miss USA could be an empowering powwow of feminine energy if it tried to be- I think it could set an amazing example if, in commercials, they showed these women doing this photo shoot, then get up, get dressed, and say "I do this because my body empowers me. You know what else empowers me? My career as an engineer." Also, I keep using the example of the engineer because I'm on the website now and can't find any information about these women outside of the bedroom. You go their their page and it's just a huge picture like the one above, with a quick bio of their name, age, and state, and then a link to buy their photos. Good job, Miss Universe Organization. Not only are you objectifying these brilliant women, you're keeping their accomplishments secret and making money off of them as well. Five stars and a thumbs up for you!

Good gracious, I am so glad I have alternative beauty standards. Otherwise, if I say these photos and actually CARED that society expected me to be like that, I'd probably be in the bathroom vomiting my breakfast up right now. Thanks America! As always, you're a peach!