So at Anime Boston this year, as I mentioned in my post about it, I was nursing a newbie lolita - not new to the scene, as I've been introducing her to it since I started myself, but it was only her first or second time wearing lolita out to an event where there would be other lolitas and, more importantly, non-lolitas who may want to take her picture. Now, Marrisa isn't camera-shy, but when someone asked her for a picture, she got a little "deer-in-the-headlights." I've heard a lot of girls saying they aren't sure how to pose when it comes to lolita, so giving Marrisa a little bit of coaching inspired me to write up a full-length post on the topic!

First of all, it is totally not weird (and, to be honest, pretty necessary) to practice posing in front of a mirror. There's nothing worse than photo-regret: Coming home from an even and realizing that none of your pictures are salvageable simply because of bad angles and unflattering poses. The first thing to do when you're practicing poses is to make sure you're looking at your full body in good lighting, or at least lighting you think will be similar to that of the event you're heading off to (stand near a window to emulate natural light for a picnic, or fluorescent lighting if you think that's more likely, such as an anime convention or many other indoor events). Start with your feet and go up - are your socks straight? Bows tied? Make-up blended? Check to make sure all the components of your outfit is showing- are you covering up the print on your cutsew with how you buttoned your cardigan? Maybe your lace sock topper is tucked into your boots, or your hair clips are hiding in a sea of curls. All set? Good! Now start posing. Tilt your face to different angles to see which catches the light best. It sometimes helps to chose an "image" to portray, like a porcelain doll, an elegant young lady, or a spunky fairy-loli sprite. Practice a few different poses that you think portray that - folded hands for elegance, say, or pop a heel and a peace sign for a little extra moxie.

Here are some components of a good pose, in bullet format by body part:

• First off, remember that your extremities (hands/arms and feet/legs) are your biggest assets as they're most noticeable and mobile. Just a little something to keep in mind!
• Feet: pigeon toes are common, but be careful here. First off, they conform to a certain child- or doll-like image, so they're great for most sweet and some classic, but can look odd for other classic and gothic. They're great for showing off your socks if they have designs up the sides, but with tights it can look odd because the toes will draw attention to your feet and legs - if you have fancy shoes or patterned tights that's fine, but be careful of drawing attention to places that aren't interesting. Better to try and direct attention to other parts of the coordinate.
• My favorite foot-position is to put one slightly in front of the other, turn my heels out slightly to allude to pigeon-toes without actually looking disjointed (or to just turn out my front heel &keep the back foot straight), then rest my weight on my back foot. It's much more flattering for almost all body types than to have your feet set far apart, because a wide base will make your entire body look wider.
• Hips should tilt slightly forward- your poof will probably hide it, but it'll help your posture by keeping your back straight.
• Shoulders back! Just like Mom used to tell you. It does wonders for your posture &will draw attention to your upper body, which is important when you're wear a nice neckline or some other detail that otherwise may not stand out.
• Arms: Putting them behind your skirt will emphasize poof and is cute if you're not wearing bracelets, rings, or nails that you want to show off. Be careful about resting your hands on your hips or the front of your skirt as it can de-emphasize your petticoats &make you look slightly flattened.
• To draw attention to a purse, there are a few things you can do. My favorite is to channel my poupee girl and sling it over my elbow, curling my fingers ever so slightly. If you're wearing a shoulder bag, pull it in front of you and rest your thumbs where the strap connects to the body of the bag to frame it with your hands. For handbags with smaller handles, I think it's really sweet to hold it in front of your skirt with both hands - your arms will make a sort of arrow that says "look at my cute bag!!".
  
• A note on hands: They're important! You'll get the most freedom of pose in your hands. Isolate your fingers to make your hands more dynamic - as in, spread them a bit so you can see each individual digit. Match your hands to your "mood"- A cute sweet look pointing with your first finger toward your cheek, kind of like "Lookit how cute I am! :D," and for classic I really like simply framing the face with one hand (palm resting just under the chin, fingers spread over the jaw - great for close-ups) . A gothic classic is praying hands, but I do not know nearly enough about that style to discuss it!
• Head: Chin up, beautiful smile (or moody gothic pout!), eyes wide. Don't look at the lens, as that gives the picture a creepy "staring into your soul" look - go above the lens and look and the photographer's hair; for LCD digital photos (where the photographer is looking at the preview screen instead of through the viewfinder), look at their face. If you look below the camera it will probably cause you to duck your chin, which is not flattering (the thing I need to work on most in my pictures, personally!). Turn your face slightly to the right or left, showing your good side (yes, they exist! It's not an urban legend!), as the three-quarter view if more dynamic than straight-on and makes for a more interesting picture. Also, make sure your hair is out of your eyes/face/lipgloss!
  

Extras:

• Pop your foot! This is a fun way to show off your shoes/socks or add a little whimsy.
• Play with your expressions - pout, wink, or blow a kiss
• Play with or flounce your hair
• Pick a piece of your outfit and accentuate it. Pose with your hand near your face to show off nails or make-up, tip a hat, or grab the corner of your skirt like you're curtsying.
• Most importantly, have fun!
  

Help! My boyfriend hates lolita!!

It's not a rare thing to see girls exclaiming this over the internet. Their boyfriend is sweet, funny, and kind, but he absolutely hates lolita! He won't look at it, talk to her about it, or even be around her when she wears it in private, and he can think of no greater embarrassment than being seen in public with her dressed "like that." Besides that, he's perfect! He shares her interests, he tells her she's beautiful, and they get along great with each other's friends and family. So, what does she do?

It's always important to remember that someone may have different interests than you, and that you don't always have to be perfectly alike for a relationship to work. And, if he's a perfect guy except for this one little thing, isn't it worth it to sacrifice? I mean, isn't that what relationships are ABOUT?

Well... yes and no. Granted, no two people will ever be exactly alike (and being TOO similar is a sign of catastrophe - imagine having to share your mirror while doing your make-up with your boyfriend who's straightening his hair!), and love is all about compromise. However, love is also about knowing when to say no and when something is too important to you to give up. If lolita is just clothes to you, this may be no big deal; just wear them when you're going out with your friends, or on days you're not going to see him. It would probably be fine with you, so if you just don't expose him to it, you'll probably have a long, happy relationship.

But for those lifestyle ladies, a warning bell should be going off. Here's why: if lolita is something that deeply affects your life and your boyfriend (or girlfriend, or husband, or partner, or...) think it's stupid, he thinks your lifestyle is stupid. If he doesn't like lolita, he doesn't like you. There's no other way I can say it. For girls whose life is not greatly impacted by their clothing choices, this could be entirely untrue, but for those of us with whom lolita is an intrinsic part of our mindset and lifestyle, this isn't the case.

It's like, my boyfriend is a musician; it's an inseparable part of his life that profoundly affects him. A lover asking you to stop wearing lolita would be like me asking him to stop playing guitar. It would rob him of something so him that he would be a completely different person than the man I fell in love with. Sure, maybe he'd pay more attention to me, or maybe he wouldn't spend money on things I may think are frivolous (for the record, I don't think they are!) but then he wouldn't have that important part of his personality. And if that were the case, if I wanted someone else, I would break up with him and get someone else - and that's the advice I give any man who likes his lolita-wearer but hates her clothes/lifestyle. Of course, talk to her about it to see if it's something she wouldn't mind doing without every so often, but if it's something that is deeply meaningful to her, I can tell you right now, either nut up &break up with her or shut up &accept it because it's not going to be a healthy relationship if otherwise.

And if your boyfriend thinks lolita is stupid, explain to him about the subtleties of the fashion and how is affects you. Does it make you feel like a princess? Tell him. Try to explain the utter joy you feel when you put together a perfect coordinate, or when you figure out the perfect way to do that hairstyle you saw in Alice Deco, or when your heart races with inspiration while looking at daily_lolita. If you do everything you can to explain why you love the fashion and the lifestyle and he still just can't handle it, trust me, you're better off without him.

Now, I hope I don't offend anybody here, but Anime Boston never really impressed me. I fully admit that I never really gave it a chance, though - I went its first year and was so unimpressed that i never bothered to go back. Since my boyfriend was working the Artist's Alley all weekend and I had nothing better to do on Sunday, I recruited one of my oldest friends and ex-Bostonian for a daytrip up. Verdict: It was very quiet, but that's understandable for a Sunday. The dealer's room and artist's alley were both... okay, but they could definitely have been better. I bought an amazing phone charm from the artist's alley, only to have it break only a few hours later, and besides a display of almost entire wiped out wigs, the only thing that caught my interest in the dealer's room was a beautiful choker (which my boyfriend bought me because I didn't have the cash - love yooou!)

Marrisa and I, decked out in blue &pink sweet. A stroke of luck brought Marrisa into the beginnings of a lolita wardrobe, but it was oriented mostly in a color scheme she wasn't in love with, so I lent her some of the pinks I don't really wear anymore.
Rundown:

• Cutsew: BABY, the Stars Shine Bright
• Skirt: AYA
• Purse: Innocent World
• Boots: Bodyline
• Socks: Secret Shop
• Candy hairtie: bought off the comm
• Nails: Bought in Artist's Alley

Et moi:

• Cutsew: BABY, the Stars Shine Bright
• Skirt: Mew
• Socks: Metamorphose
• Shoes: Bodyline
• Parasol: Angelic Pretty
• Tote: Hello Kitty
• Hairbow: Bought at Otakon last year
  
• Choker: Bought in the dealer's room

Also, that phone charm broke probably two hours after I bought it from Artist's Alley. NOT HAPPY. The girl didn't have cards for me to take, otherwise I'd be e-mailing her right now.

There weren't many lolitas around that day (Stefan assured me there were more on Saturday, which doesn't surprise me), but I did see the ever-svelte Carolyn of F* Yeah Lolita!
As well as Kathryn, who I met this past December at the New York City tea. Hi again!!
So, Anime Boston, I guess you're not as bad as I thought. I'm not saying I'll definitely return all weekend next year, but I'd consider going up for Sunday again.

We really live in an amazing time. With the Internet, information about everything imaginable is being passed all around the globe within seconds, and obviously our fashion is no different. There are so many communities to discuss lolita and everything related to it, as well as individual blogs (hey, how ya doin'?) and websites that are dedicated to discussing every single facet of our fashion and lifestyle, that it's hard to remove yourself from those influences. And when you're an active member of any community, it's assumed that you'll get close to people and make friends. It's good, it's normal, it's healthy. But is it necessary?

I'm pretty sure Kamikaze Girls is required viewing for any starter-loli. I know I personally made it my quest to see the movie before I really considered myself a lolita, mostly because it showcases and idea that our society generally doesn't like to talk about: the happy social outcast. The fashion hermit. She who lets nothing but the clothes dictate to her how they should be worn; no magazines, no books, and most importantly, no community. Momoko listens to her clothing and her heart and doesn't care what anyone else says. This is kind of glamorous, isn't it? It's probably why she's become so many girls' ideal lolita. She doesn't care. She does what she wants and doesn't let anyone else's opinions get her down. She lives her entire life around this idea of beauty and doesn't let anyone get in the way. And that's great.

But does anyone else see what it does to her life to be like that? She lies and basically steals money from her father, doesn't speak to anyone in her school, and lives in utter solidarity, except for her family (for whom she seems to have no respect; aside from her Grandmother, she shows contempt for both her father and mother). Sure, she meets Ichigo and gradually, reluctantly, changes her ideas, but if she hadn't, who knows how long she would have lived in solidarity? And, more importantly, is that healthy?

I'm going to say, as both a follower of fashion and as a human being, no. It is not healthy to completely remove yourself from society, because everything we do is important to the growth and development of our minds and souls. It is healthy to keep friends, especially friends interested in the same wonky alternative fashion as you, because they'll inspire you to do new things and explore new styles. I've said for years that my biggest fashion idols are my friends, and I'd hate to think where I'd be, sartorially and mentally, without them. They're my biggest resource, and therefore I can't imagine someone who would cast themselves away from people who could help them in any way.

(Note that, when I say “society” in this piece, I don't mean it the way I usually do. Here, society isn't “the man” that I'm so keen on rallying against; here, I mean society as it's meant to be: “an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization.” Therefore, when I say society, especially in the above paragraph, I mean the small lolita-based social group that spans livejournal communities to facebook pages to individual journals and websites.)

So why do people do it? Is it “special snowflake syndrome?” It could be. Maybe it's just that they think they can't learn anything from other people, or that they don't want to. Could it be that a pure mindset is one that doesn't take advice or inspiration from anyone else and finds guidance only in itself? Personally I totally disagree; I think that our minds are permeable membranes that were designed to absorb everything, keep the good, and filter out the bad, and that this idea of shunning other people and not needing friends who inspire you is entirely crippling to your soul. The idea that nothing in the world can affect you is, in my opinion, very nihilistic and disabling, not a strength that is to be praised.

Challenge: Make a new lolita friend today! Reach out to someone you've always wanted to but never did, for whatever reason.

(image c/o tumblr)

Recently on the main community, someone asked if there was a point when one should be content with her wardrobe. She has the dresses, the skirts, the blouses, all of the accessories, and she doesn't feel the need to buy things anymore; she seemed confused as to whether this was normal. It reminded me of a comment my roommate made a few weeks ago; also a lolita, she was listing some things she had recently bought, and said something along the lines of, “I know it sounds like a lot, but I think I want a few more _______ and then I'll be done. My wardrobe will be complete.”

It surprised me; mentioning it to another lolita friend, she said “But... your closet is never done.” On the whole, I agree. As people, as fashion enthusiasts, I think that our style is never really “done.” Especially bloggers or readers of blogs; we're exposing ourselves to so much, so many different things, that it would be odd if we didn't absorb some of these things into ourselves and change our styles appropriately. Even just as people in our society; we're constantly being bombarded by advertisements, magazines, celebrity news, and it would be impossible for us not to absorb some of that and translate it into our ideals and mindsets. Some of this is on purpose; I recently subscribed to a beauty e-newsletter from a popular mainstream magazine so that I could stay in the know about make-up and other beauty news in the mainstream, because, as lolitas, we're often so pigeon-holed by our own media that we forget there's other stuff out there. Even if that other stuff isn't really catering to all of our interests, to expose ourselves to these things makes us more well-rounded people and, effectively, more well-rounded dressers.

At the same time, it's possible to develop and evolve your style without buying an entirely new wardrobe every few months. I still have the first brand dress I ever bought, years and years ago, and I think that, even though my style has changed a lot, it still has its place in my closet and hopefully always will. Therefore, I can draw the conclusion that most of the things I buy have the possibility of staying with me for many years while still feeling fresh and current to my style. So is it bad to stop shopping, to call it quits on checking the sales community?

In my opinion, I would say that the healthiest plan is a healthy mix; new lolitas will buy &buy &buy until they have their basics, but then it's time to put on the brakes. This is the “content” phase. Once you have everything you consider to be a basic (which I'm sure depends on the person; for some, a black blouse and a white one with a black skirt are the stepping stones, but for someone else it could be a cream blouse, a brown skirt, and a blue jumperskirt; I'm sure someone else would consider basics incomplete without at least one big-name brand – there seems to be another entry in this, tho!), you should be able to sit back and smile at your closet as-is. From there, I think the next step is casually browsing brand websites or the sales comm every so often, and buy a few things as “fluff”- this is where your accessories or new color combos come in. Then, once you've fleshed out your wardrobe so that you have a mix of colors and styles that appeal to you, it's time to stop; put it in park, if you will. You're not saying you'll never buy brand again, but maybe only hit the selling websites for a birthday present to yourself, or if you need a dress for a special occasion, or maybe if you want some retail therapy (caution – slippery slope!!).

It's also to note that even these three stages are still cyclical. For example, I'm currently around the second step, because when I was at the third stage about two years ago, I had some money problems, sold a lot of stuff, and didn't let myself buy anything for almost a year. Now that I'm back to the area I like to be, money-wise, I've started to casually buy again to get back the wardrobe-fluff I had to sell. Soon I'll probably go back to Wardrobe Enlightenment where I no longer have the earthly desire for more clothes, but for now I'm happy casually spending. :)

(image c/o tumblr.com)